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April 02 2006 @ 04:51 pm
Pretender: A Pretender's Thoughts, [PG], 1/2  
Title: A Pretender's Thoughts
Author: SireesAnwar
Date: 9/21/05
Part: 1 of 2
Rating: PG
Characters: Jarod
Archiving: Missing Pieces
Warnings: None
SPOILERS: None
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Pretender character or anything about them so don’t sue me.
Summary: Jarod's thoughts as he's running from Miss Parker and The Centre. The funny things that run through your mind when you’re trying to escape the clutches of an evil corporation hell bent on capturing you so you can perform experiments to further their agenda. Now if that ran through your head it might not be funny but disturbing.
AN: I consider this story finished but I may add more "journal" entries by Jarod and other characters. Haven't decided yet.

Toys & Food


The funny things that run through your mind when you’re trying to escape the clutches of an evil corporation hell bent on capturing you so you can perform experiments to further their agenda. Now if that ran through your head it might not be funny but disturbing. Of course, in my case it is also true. Sad isn’t it?

I’m currently running from a place called The Centre and I can’t seem to think of anything critical to escaping. (Just in case you don’t know my story, they stole me from my parents when I was three and told me they were dead.) Anyways... Sometimes I wonder if my genius is what it used to be, not that it would really matter. I find it strange that my thoughts are consumed by the toys currently shifting around in my pack as I run. Yes, you read it right. My mind is consumed by the strangeness of such things.

Take Pez Dispenser’s. They come with these tiny packs of sugar candy which you open, fidget with each candy trying to put them into the dispenser only to turn around and take them right out so you can eat them, which takes about a minute. What were the makers thinking? Now don’t get me wrong. If you knew me, you’d know how much I enjoy those dispensers and the tasty sugar squares that come with them, but had I made them they would have candy in them when you purchased them.

Moving on. What else do I have in there? Oh, yes the Rubix Cube. A fascinating toy. You twist it and turn it to mix it up and then rearrange it to get it back to looking like it did when you purchased it. Someone I met once told me they never figured it out, so they threw it out, bought a new one, and let everyone believe they had. Deceiving, truly deplorable. Another person told me they removed the stickers and just put them the way they should go. Do these people find this funny? You know the Rubix Cube comes with instructions, a virtual cheat sheet if you will. I understand the difficultly but come on. I know you can do it on your own. You should know it doesn’t take a genius to figure this toy out… but it helps.

Next toy. Mr. Potato Head. Have you any clue why I love this toy so much? Well here’s a thought. When I look at this toy I’m absolutely baffled. I mean think about it. Who looked at a potato one day and thought “If you put a hat and a face on it, it will make a delightful toy?” Actually, I know who did that but the point is a potato? Of course, I find the little guy irresistible. He has a wife you know.

Aw the Slinky, one of the more fascinating to watch and the most annoying to untangle. Speaking of which I hope it isn’t getting tangled in this bag of mine. The slinky's most interesting ability is its slinking ability which by the way is the same ability Lyle uses around the Centre. I saw this movie with a guy named Jim Carey playing a detective who helped locate pets; he showed us one of the more fun things to do with a slinky, though I still think he should have started over. I wanted to see the slinky reach the bottom of the stairs. Someone told me I misunderstood the movie.

The Rabbits Foot was disturbing at first glance but once it was explained… I still found it puzzling that people believed a severed rabbit’s foot is a good luck charm. Now that’s not to say I don’t carry one. I need the luck when running from the Centre. Whenever I see a rabbit’s foot I instantly picture a slew of rabbit’s limping around without feet though I truly believe that isn’t the case, though the thought still comes to mind.

View Master’s are extraordinary toys that are under appreciated. The slides aren’t too hard to make though apparently Miss Parker didn’t appreciate that I sent her one. Sometimes it is hard to buy a gift for the woman who hates everything. I enjoy it. Did you know they have projectors now? You can put those little slides into a projector and see the pictures on the wall. I think their a bit big for my bag but I’m considering getting one.

The Magic 8-Ball is more than likely my favorite. Someone told me I’d like something called an etch-a-sketch. I’m looking into it, but I love the little globe that gives me advice on how to proceed with a pretend. Of course, sometimes it isn’t ready to answer your question and it asks you to ask again later. It has never specified the amount of time, but I usually give it a few hours before asking again.

Oh, by the way, Miss Parker’s outlook is not so good. She missed me again. I’m currently on a train relaxing as I speed towards my next pretend. I have no doubt she will catch up to me yet again, I left sufficient clues. Of course, that doesn’t always help them find me and sometimes I wish I hadn’t left those clues, but how else would Miss Parker find out the many… many secrets of the Centre?

Since I’m on the train and seriously considering the grumbling in my stomach; why not shift the subject of my thoughts to food.

Oreo Cookies. What can I say about Oreo Cookies? There are always repeated by never duplicated? Oreo’s are an essential part of the cookie world. Of course, I was amazed to learn there are quite a few rules you should follow while consuming said cookies. My personal favorite is twisting them opened and eating out the delicious cream. I still don't understand why they don't sell the cream seperately.

Ice Cream has far less rules and many more flavors. There are stores dedicated to the ice cold treat. Baskin Robins is probably the most widely known. They have 31 flavors which I have tried. Some of them are absolutely delicious while others… less so. I like TCBY which has more than just ice cream and frozen yogurt. You can get smoothies and milk shakes. Truly a wonderful place. There’s the Dairy Queen and Rite Aid’s have that Thrifty ice cream, but my favorite place to go is Cold Stone. Have you been there? If not you’re missing out. You get to pick your ice cream and things you want in it and then they mix it up on a cold stone right before your eyes. I’m particularly fond of bananas in my ice cream.

Man, now I’m really hungry. Let me see if I have any thing in my bag. Twinkies! Yes. I love these things. Word to the wise… do not buy Twinkies off the truck no matter how badly you want them. Their far less expensive in the stores and at markets you can even buy boxes of them. Anyways, I marvel at the genius of this little pastry. I mean the cake is wonderful and then someone thought let’s put cream in the middle. Genius! I like to tear the Twinkie in half and lick the cream out but I usually do that when I’m not in public. People tend to stare.

I just noticed I also have Pop Tarts in my bag. Broots and I both enjoy these tasty treats. They have 11 essential vitamins and minerals. They recently put out the flavor smores, which baffled me because I didn’t understand why they would call the flavor more, which they misspelled. The woman at the store looked at me like I was nuts and explained that smores are chocolate and marshmallow melted inside of two graham crackers. I bought the Pop Tarts and marshmallows, graham crackers, and a chocolate bar. The ‘smores’ were very good but the Pop Tarts are easier to carry on the run.

Train rides over. I’m still very hungry and luckily for my there is a corn dog stand. I love corn dogs. Hot dogs wrapped in a corn bun. It was a fascinating idea. I’ve seen a lot of people grab mustard and drench their corn dogs. I prefer ketchup myself, but corn dogs should always be eaten the way the consumer chooses. “I’ll take a corn dog. No mustard.”

Hmm. He is also serving lemonade. Zoe introduced me to this delightful drink. One should know that making lemonade is an art form. You should always mix the squeezed lemon juice with water and sugar. I forgot the sugar step once. Didn’t go over well. “I’ll have lemonade.”

Such a nice man. He makes good corn dogs and lemonade too. What was I saying… oh, I’m hungry. Actually, I’m not anymore. I’m heading to my next pretend which… what is that. “Excuse me what is that?” He’s telling me it’s called a hacky sack. This hacky sack is small enough to fit into my bag. Do you know these things? He’s telling me the rules. I’m in awe of the performer currently manipulating his body so as to prevent this hacky sack from hitting the ground. I want to try this so I’m going to stop thinking of and entry to my journal of thoughts… which I plan to write down later. Bye. Maybe I shouldn’t say bye to a journal….

Read Jarod's Thoughts on The Mall