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January 26 2007 @ 10:56 am
Why we love children...  

Why we love children!!

Dead Cat?
A kingergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How did you know the cat was dead?"she asked him.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

"You did what!!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Psst!' and it didn't move."

For Heaven's Sake
As exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"

Scared of the Storm
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

Sunday Morning Service
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone. "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b*tch to iron."

Fat Mommy
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year-old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, "but what's growing in her butt?"

Chicken Little
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read, "... and Chicken Little went up tot he farmer and said, 'The sky is falling!'" The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Okay now I have to add my own story....
My little cousin is 8 and he came to tell his sister who is 19 that he was better at science than he's step-nephew who is also 8 (yeah it's weird). To prove it he asked her if she knew how long an elephant lived. She guessed 10 years but he told her it was 50 years. Then when he thought about it he told her if their mother was an elephant she'd be dead.

Feel free to share your own hilarious stories...

Current Mood: gigglygiggly
Bethanie Dollar: speak whalechevellechik70 on January 27th, 2007 01:51 am (UTC)
The other day, my mom went grocery shopping and my 4 year old sister was lining up all the cans, boxes, etc. along the center of the kitchen and up against the cupboards. My mom told her she could play with them, but that the cheese had to be put in the refrigerator. Chloe handed it to my mom and went back to her "organizing".

A few minutes later, I opened a cupboard to get plates for lunch and had to move part of Chloe's line of groceries. She looked up at me and *insert whiney voice here* said "Heeey! You messed up my wiiine!" (she has a little problem pronouncing "L"s, "F"s, and "V"s.

I looked at her and said "Your whine?"

"Yes, my wine"

"It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with your whine. In fact, would you like some cheese to go with it?"

She looks up at me as serious as can be and says "I don't hab any cheese. Mommy taked it away." :)
Jill aka Jo: Movies- Stitch LOLsireesanwar on January 29th, 2007 06:02 pm (UTC)
LOL! Oh my gosh... I'm laughing so hard it hurts. That is just waaaaay too cute! LOL!
nightfog: Breakfast Club - *lol*unightfog on January 27th, 2007 08:17 am (UTC)

these are so funny!!!
d: Ronon 'TEAR' (c)nebakanezer on January 28th, 2007 05:33 am (UTC)
Those are great. My college roommate sent me this email awhile ago (Lily is her 2 year old):

lily's life lesson #28

The hole of the woofer speaker is big enough to store slices of muenster
cheese in.


Jill aka Jo: Movies- Stitch LOLsireesanwar on January 29th, 2007 06:19 pm (UTC)